it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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