so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
