If i come over, it means nothing
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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