So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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