Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
