Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
