Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
