You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
