And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
