I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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