ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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