y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
