Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
