just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
