Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
