I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
