Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
