Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
