she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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