She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
