There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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