I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I want to fling myself into the sun
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
