i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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