I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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