update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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