I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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