He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
