she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
