this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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