We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
