every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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