Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
