those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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