Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
