dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
