He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
