What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
