Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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