genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
