So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
