i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
