I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
