I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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