i already hear my dad disowning me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
