I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
