woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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