don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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