Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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