No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
