just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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